The biggest change in our life recently was the introduction of an all girls boarding school for our 12 year old daughter. Anyone with a teenage or tween daughter will probably understand some of the issues that arise during this life stage without me going into detail. Our kid got her dad’s genetics more so than mine, she is an absolute firecracker. In fact I vividly recall our arguments within months of her learning to talk, around 18 months old…. little did I know that was only the beginning. Then the dreaded hormonal shift came along at age 11 during our family holiday.
My child was born to be a drill sergeant so it’s a good thing she is leaning towards personal trainer or phys ed teacher for a future career.
We had already discussed boarding school for her for several years for a number of reasons, so finally we made the massive decision to send her at the start of year 7. Its a huge financial outlay and was purely through choice as we have great schools near home. But for us, honestly it was the best decision for all of our sanity and I will tell you why.
- Structure – the routine and structure in a good boarding school is excellent for kids who have a strong willed nature. Mum and dad are not able to enforce structure like a well run boarding school. For instance, if they don’t clean their room before they want to leave the boarding house, they don’t get permission to leave. Simple.
- Activities galore – the activities on offer keep a high energy kid very busy. Instead of being an aggravating little toad they can channel their energy productively. Mine is a sports fanatic, so she does loads of hockey and running, but has also taken up guitar and clarinet because she has the time.
- Social skills – we live a hectic life, too much going on most days. My kids don’t get to have friends over much as a result. So at boarding school for my social 12 year old, she gets to make a wide friendship group and learn how to cope around different personalities. She is making friends for life.
- Independence – it is even more apparent to me now after only 15 weeks in boarding school that my 12 year old is extremely independent. She struggles to conform to us telling her what to do at home but at school she does everything she is supposed to do without anyone nagging. She has her routine and just goes about her business.
- Accountability- at boarding school they have nobody to blame for being late or not doing homework. Huge tick for personal growth in this space as a result of boarding.
- Personal space – when you spend more time butting heads as opposed to getting along, it is not fun for anyone at home. So the fact we don’t have that constant negativity in our relationship has been wonderful. We talk nicely about our day during phone calls and spend quality time together when we can. We even hug now. We still butt heads but it’s so much less. This also goes for the siblings.
- Immersion – when your boarding house is at the centre of the school suddenly school becomes a much bigger part of your life. In a good school this means personal growth, academic achievement (and by no means does she find school work easy), ability to participate in more activities, mentally she stays in school mode and gets a lot more done.
- Specialists – I am not a teacher nor am I patient at homework time after a long day at work. Some kids need help but won’t take it from parents, what would we know right? Instead she has tutors and teachers, as well as her classmates, on hand during dedicated prep time 4 nights a week. And you know what, she actually enjoys this time and is improving her grades already.
- Confidence – my daughter has a severe hearing loss and this made her lack confidence in situations where she had to talk to people she didn’t know. She would never go to the counter at the shop on her own. She barely spoke a word during her interview with the school principal this time last year, it came across as rude but she was just so unsure in these situations due to her hearing difficulty. Now on our way home for a long weekend, I give her money for a drink and she doesn’t hesitate at all in going to place her order. That is huge for her!
- Respect – practising respectfulness will provide our drill sergeant with skills for the rest of her life. And they are taught this in so many ways. They share bedrooms, bathrooms, dining room, etc. so they must respect the space and others. They get plenty of education around this too.
I have still got my work cut out for me as we cope with adjustment back into home life, all of that time being good can blow up at home. We also see a lot more casual swearing, but the nice surprise she said to me recently was that she really thinks her 5 year old sister should go to an all girls school too because you can just be yourself.
I’m sure our boarding journey will have its ups and downs but so far we are loving it and she is a happier little hormonal tweenager. Happy tween, happy mum.
Shonel x
The Business of Life 